This has been sitting in my drafts.. Clearly, I was too afraid to publish it back then. Which is itself a problem: men face tremendous social risks in speaking up: they can be shunned by entire groups because 1 woman says she was uncomfortable with something he said...



I've seen the MeToo posts, and felt a mix of confusion, shame and anger. The shame is the fear of being associated with behavior that's hurt others.

It's hard to admit that I have done things that pushed boundaries and hurt others. Thus the shame. There's also the fear that I'm being lumped in with others that have done worse.

And there's anger at being silenced. Being told that it's not about me, even though I too have feelings. And then I wonder, am I being insensitive? Do I owe it to others to support them? And where do my needs to look after myself and my needs fit in?

There's also the sense of injustice at being seen and associated with only the worst things. What about the hundreds of people I've supported through listening, empathy and actions? What about the impact on the lives of women who have been grateful that I was there for them, supporting them in their struggles and helping them find their way to strength?

If I am raked over the coals for my behavior, one of the implications seems to be that others have not done harm. When will be the day of confession for women? Do they have any awareness of the pain that men live through? The pain that I've lived through in my longing for connection?